1.19.2007

News Thing: Good Grief...

I think i'll reserve commentary here, because one is not supposed to write when one is angry.  I will say this, though, the point about the Anglo-American President being the leader of evil last year pretty much sums up why these people need to shut the hell up. 

Found on CNN.com today via the AP:

CLIFTON, New Jersey (AP) -- Two years ago, Muslim groups protested when the plot of the hit Fox drama '24' cast Islamic terrorists as the villains who launched a stolen nuclear missile in an attack on America.

Now, after a one-year respite during which Russian separatists played the bad guys on the critically acclaimed series, Muslims are back in the evil spotlight. Unlike last time, when agent Jack Bauer saved the day, the terrorists this time have already succeeded in detonating a nuclear bomb in a Los Angeles suburb.

Being portrayed again as the heartless wrongdoers has drawn renewed protests from Muslim groups, including one that had a meeting with Fox executives two years ago over the issue. (Watch why "24" is worrying Muslims)

"The overwhelming impression you get is fear and hatred for Muslims," said Rabiah Ahmed, a spokeswoman for the Washington-based Council on American-Islamic Relations. She said Thursday she was distressed by this season's premiere. "After watching that show, I was afraid to go to the grocery store because I wasn't sure the person next to me would be able to differentiate between fiction and reality."

She said the group had a conference call Wednesday with Fox executives to protest the current plot line and request more positive portrayals of Muslims on the show, but was not promised anything.

After a January 2005 meeting with CAIR, Fox aired a commercial in which the show's star, Kiefer Sutherland, urged viewers to keep in mind that the show's villains are not representative of all Muslims.

In a written statement issued late Wednesday night, the network said it has not singled out any ethnic or religious group for blame in creating its characters.

"24 is a heightened drama about anti-terrorism," the statement read. "After five seasons, the audience clearly understands this, and realizes that any individual, family, or group (ethnic or otherwise) that engages in violence is not meant to be typical.

"Over the past several seasons, the villains have included shadowy Anglo businessmen, Baltic Europeans, Germans, Russians, Islamic fundamentalists, and even the (Anglo-American) president of the United States," the network said. "The show has made a concerted effort to show ethnic, religious and political groups as multidimensional, and political issues are debated from multiple viewpoints."

The current season began with Muslim terrorists waging an 11-week campaign of suicide bombings across America, culminating in the detonation of a suitcase-sized nuclear bomb in Valencia, California, about 26 miles north of Los Angeles. Estimated death toll: 12,000.

Watching the show's characters talk about detonating a nuclear weapon a few blocks from where she works unnerved Sireen Sawaf, an official with the Los Angeles-based Muslim Public Affairs Council, and a self-described "huge '24' fan."

"It's a great show, and I do realize it's a multidimensional show that portrays extreme situations," she said. "They have gone out of their way to have non-Muslim terror cells.

"But I'm concerned about the image it ingrains in the minds of the American public and the American government, particularly when you have anti-Muslim statements spewing from the mouths of government officials."

Sohail Mohammed, a New Jersey immigration lawyer who represented scores of detainees caught up in the post September 11, 2001 dragnet, watched the episode depicting the nuclear attack with an Associated Press reporter.

"I was shocked," he said. "Somewhere, some lunatic out there watching this will do something to an innocent American Muslim because he believes what he saw on TV."

Engy Abdelkader, a member of the American Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee from Howell, New Jersey, launched a campaign Wednesday to encourage Muslims offended by the program to complain to Fox.

"I found the portrayal of American Muslims to be pretty horrendous," she said. "It was denigrating from beginning to end. This is one of the most popular programs on television today. It's pretty distressing."

Concerns about Muslims' civil rights, detention of terror suspects in Guantanamo-like holding centers, and stereotyping are given vastly expanded treatment on '24' this year. In one exchange, the show depicts the president's national security adviser challenging the White House chief of staff over the detention of Muslims without criminal charges.

"Right now the American Muslim community is our greatest asset," the security adviser says. "They have provided law enforcement with hundreds of tips, and not a single member of that community has been implicated in these attacks."

"So far," the chief of staff responds.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.


1.18.2007

24 TADS: (8:00 AM -- 9:00 AM)

24 things I thought I thought about Day Six while trying to digest tremendously tasty Indian (dot not feather) food.

1. Cool Line #4. From Fayed to Palmer v. 2.0 Beta re: failing to release 110 enemy combatants within the hour, our retaliation will be “immediate and devastating”. Man is Bald Bad a great villain.

2. Jack Bauer: Diplomacy Zen Master. So, he may not actually be the Phil Jackson of interrogations anymore, but it sure looks like Jack earned a correspondence course degree in Geopolitical Diplomacy & Negotiations. Who knew there was a University of Phoenix in China? What am I referring to? Why, Jack’s little mini-diatribe to Baltar while riding shotgun in the Toyota Yaris of Freedom ® wherein he explained that, since everyone thinks that Baltar’s responsible for the bombings, his “political reality” is that the enemy of his enemy (CTU) is now his only friend.

3. “Don’t Get Up!” I’d like to believe that Jack stole the Jeep Cherokee of Victory ™ from my little fraternity brother Miles. I’d also like to believe that Miles is still laying in the street, waiting for Jack to give him permission to “Get up,” and that he’ll stay there until Herb, the CTU Janitor comes by.

4. 24 Fast 24 Furious. True fact:* Keifer is really the one driving that Cherokee like NASCAR Bad Boy Tony Stewart on a bender. Cool stuff, there. Tokyo Drift can suck it.

*speculation

5. Hulk Hogan & the Macho Man. Seriously, Jack and Baltar are like the frakkin’ Mega Powers. That plan where Jack crashes into the terrorist then acts like Rube Baker (...tear) just so Baltar can get in his countryman’s good graces and give him a ride to where he wants to go was pure. freaking. genius. I bet Keifer had a blast playing that scene.

Assad and Jack prepare to battle the Ultimate Big Bads:
Nikoli Volkoff and the Iron Sheik

6. Baha. “Bill, it’s Jack. Umm...Assad is driving the Yaris of Freedom and I’ve got it bugged so that we can track the terrorist back to Fayed. You’re welcome...and yes, I’ve been out of a Chinese prison for two hours and fifteen minutes and I’m already better at your jobs than the rest of you combined. Peace.”

7. Line of the Night: Jerry Tomato. So Behrooz tells Nicey McNiceguy that if he doesn’t take his package and obtain the component, he’ll kill Nicey’s kid Wussy, and his wife Nursey. What does Jerry say to the newlywed apple of his eye, British import Natalie Tomato, “I’d sacrifice you to save America, you’re not even a citizen.” Love is in the air, kids. (I give them six months).

8. Great Line #5. “It’s your character flaw, not mine” Chloe tells Morris re: Morris’s problem with Middle Management Milo. That sound you heard was half of all 24 fans breathing a sigh of relief that Snarky Chloe is back.

9. The REAL President. A pan across the Oval Office gives us a view of a few photos of President and Supreme Commander of All that is Right with America, David Palmer. Nice touch.

10. Uh oh. It’s Jack and BlackJack, together again. This means only one thing: BlackJack is taking a bullet. Write that down.

11. What is this, Studio 60? I love Studio 60 and all, but since when do Jack and BlackJack have heart-to-heart’s while cruising for terrorists? And what’s with all the politics? Feels like a desperate attempt to create friction on the Tact Team. I’m not buying it. However, do you think BlackJack is scared out of his gourd that Jack’s going to knock him out again, like the last time he gave Jack a ride? I bet his heartbeat increases every time they approach a stop sign.

12. Way to get your mom killed, idiot. Wussy McNiceguy decides to play hero and grab a knife while fetching Behrooz some painkillers. This is a genius plan on par with Dumb Long-Haired White Kid from Day Five’s genius plan to run headfast into the airport and take on terrorism with Baueresque Bravado. I’m glad that we were able to meet the Dumb Long-Haired White Kid quota early into the day, two Days running. I hate Wussy McNiceguy – he didn’t even have the balls to use the knife!

13. I hate commercials. Not because they’re a break in the action, but because there are so many crappy ones, like the VH1 style McDonald’s commercials that treat a bunch of Dollar Menu hippies like they’re the “Best Week Ever”. Did anyone else notice that commentator Jeremy Miller is Ben Frakkin’ Seaver from Growing Pains? How sad is it that I did? It’s been nearly 20 years since that show went off the air, and he’s still a no-talent douche. It didn’t even seem like he can play “Jeremy Miller!" And on top of that, he’s still got that douchey goatee. I hate commercials, but I would kill to see a GEICO caveman commercial about now.

14. Wake me when it’s over. Mrs. Tidwell’s storyline is already tedious and heavy-handed. I’m bored—and I should never say that during 24. If I want political debate, I’ll watch the Colbert Report.

15. Another commercial? At least this is for something cool. 300, the movie about 300 Spartans and the battle of Thermopolye, is destined to be awesome.

16. Great Line #6. Hotness (Nadia) during the op, “Chloe, blah blah blah cross-reference blah do techie stuff blah.” Chloe: “You mean like I already have?” Awesome.

17. Nothing to see here, we’re incognito. Why do all Feds drive black SUVs? Better yet—why does a CTU Tact Team all roll down one street in a bunch of black SUVs? Can’t the Fed mix it up a little so that, I dunno, they don’t stick out like a sore thumb? Perhaps a Green Blazer, a Black Escalade, and a Blue Mountaineer. Wouldn’t that make a little more sense? Hell, what happened to the Yaris of Freedom? Watching the black SUVs reminded me of the Ninja Hedge from The Tick comic book (a highly recommended read).

From left to right: Jack, BlackJack, Baltar, Chloe, and Bill Buchanan
sneak up on an unsuspecting terrorist.

18. BlackJack: Still a Dick. Baltar’s done nothing to deserve so much blatant distrust, especially not from Mr. I-Do-Everything-By-the-Book. I mean, BlackJack’s so By the Book that Aisha Tyler’s Mole Agent from Day Four probably dumped him because he was boring in the sack, always made her make the bed, and never spoke in anything but his gruff, By the Book monotone voice. It’s totally out of character for him to be so harsh to Baltar, especially considering that a) BlackJack has accomplished nothing today and b) Baltar helped Jack stop a train bombing and helped Jack track the terrorist guy. Can you tell I’m going to be a total Baltar apologist? I hope it doesn’t get annoying.

19. TQ? Bald Bad's men must all read Terrorist Quarterly, because they are the best damn dressed group of henchmen I’ve ever seen.

20. Natural Selection Claims Another One. Please notice all of the boxes of explosives and ammunition behind the terrorist. Then, please note that you’d have to have the IQ of plankton to start firing gunshots into the general vicinity of boxes of explosives and ammunition. Then notice that guy dumb enough to do so, Random CTU Idiot #12, just got himself killed. Darwin strikes again.

21. Tough Choices & Tougher Choices 2: the Sequel. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you the story of Tough Choices & Tougher Choices someday when I finish the Top 24 Awesome Moments. Let’s give it up for Nicey McNiceguy, who was forced to resort to cold-blooded murder in order to protect his family and get the component from the Evil Tech Fiend Collaborator. I felt really bad for him when he had to crack that dude upside the skull. When you think about it, getting me to feel sorry for him was really quite the accomplishment, considering that his storyline has been totally stupid so far.

22. Suitcase nuke = Bad Mamajama. Woah. Bald Bad’s got a frakkin’ nuke! So, he needs the component in order to set it off, but he needs one of those enemy combatants in order to make the component work...so, what you’re telling me is “these bombings were designed to make you free this man.” Holy Crap! What a plan! Bald Bad rules, folks—and that’s your Diamond Cutter Moment.

23. In case you missed it: BlackJack’s still a dick. Okay, okay, we get it. BlackJack hates Baltar for some reason that no one will tell us, which is why he’s acting more angsty than Behrooz. Talk about using the sledgehammer of plot...

24. Nasir is on the loose! Well, that at least made for a good ending. I’d say that the last four minutes were pretty freakin’ awesome, tense, and hardcore, all at once. Does anybody else realize that Bald Bad has played the entire US like fools not once, but twice in the first three hours? So far, the only mistake he made was giving Jack something to live for. Though, I’d say that’s a pretty big mistake.

Stats:

Dammits: 1 (3) – another by Jack, I think (I’ll start keeping track of who said them next week, promise)

Terrorist Casualties: 2 (8) First guy: There goes the boom! Second guy: I’m counting the victim of Nicey McNiceguy

CTU Casualties: 1(2) Our first on the actual payroll: the dumb sniper-agent that got himself killed at the storage place.

Player of the Game: Nicey McNiceguy. Hey, he had nothing to work with, and put in a pretty great performance, nonetheless. I also think that he thought on his feet faster than I could have with the whole “let me see the component” trick. Good for him. Pity his son’s a wuss. (Note: I really wanted to give it to Baltar, but two in a row feels like craziness).

Final Verdict: 2 out of 5 Kim Bauer Cougars Let’s be honest, folks, this hour kind of sucked. It wasn’t totally bad—Jack’s “Grand Theft Auto” moment was fun and the last four minutes were a madcap romp of intensity, but just about everything else was meant to be a breather that started to set up the plot. It did a pretty good job of it, but if my notes (and by extension, this pitiful recap) are any indication, nothing much of interest happened. At least Hotness was still Hot. Doesn’t mean I can’t wait for hour four to start after the commercials, though!

Part Four tomorrow.

-apk

1.17.2007

24 TADS: (7:00 AM -- 8:00 AM)

24 Things I Thought I Thought About Day Six While Reveling in How Good it Felt to Know that the Ravens have been Eiminated...

1. This season’s XBOX sport of choice: Soccer. That’s right, instead of trying to find a way to shut down Jay Cutler with the Nits’ defense, Jerry and I have started playing FIFA Soccer. Though I started off terrorizing him with Thierry Henry and my Gunners, I ultimately lost every head-to-head affair. Now we’re playing as teammates. After some unsuccessful attempts with Team USA, we decided to use the English to embarrass the French. It was pretty fun, and some guy named “Owen” had a hat trick. Bully for you, Owen! I know only Marc cares about Jerry and I playing XBOX games (Nat certainly hates it), but whatever, I have NINETY-SIX of these things to write.

2. That’s Anti-Climatic, “A-n-t-i...”. What? The Bald Bad just LET JACK GO? That sucks. I can’t argue with his henchman’s logic: “We’re not here to kill one American, we’re here to kill all Americans” but dude, have you watched 24 ever? Just by leaving Jack alive, you’re endangering the mission. Idiot. Bald Bad should’ve shot henchman for his insolence, especially considering how wounded Jack is.

3. Wait, I’m not done. See, Jack couldn’t have gotten far, it’s not like his lungs are in shape. Did the Chinese have him on a treadmill for the last two years? I don’t think so. Nor do I think that he could run around so easily after having been stuck in the back with...whatever it is that Bald Bad stuck in his back. What’s that? “Suspension of disbelief,” you say? Oh, I forgot. It’s 24. I just have to roll with it. Sorry—it’s early in the season. Won’t happen again.

4. Jack Bauer Paint Can of DOOM! Why a paint can? That was random, if not absolutely cool. Okay, this is better, Jack’s barking on a telephone and no one believes all of the absolutely spot-on correct information he has gleaned from Bald Bad. Everything’s back to normal. Glad that didn’t take long.

5. Eww...that’s one gross-acidy hand. Wouldn’t it be awesome if Jack put on a black Luke Skywalker glove and ran around all day Jedi Knight style? At the very least, I wouldn’t want to vomit every time he holds up a telephone.

6. Wait wait wait wait wait, Waynethink. Listen. If you blow up all the terrorists that have come in peace, then you galvanize all the evil ones that believe there can never be peace with the West. You idiot. You are so not David Palmer, and are obviously nothing more than a Beta release, still in testing. Wayne Palmer, I dub thee “Palmer 2.0 Beta,” at least until you show me something.

7. Woah, Behrooz is dark. I’m using italics quite a bit today, huh? Oh well. Anyway, Evil Cliché Line #1 was muttered by Behrooz, who gives us, “It’s been crazy for a long time, you just haven’t been paying attention...” A cool moment that was instantly destroyed by TKSH, aka, Wussy McNiceguy, son of Nicey McNiceguy, when Wussy tried to give Behrooz some stupid good luck charm that he won at a county fair. You just know that Behrooz wanted to say, “Dude, what’s wrong with you? You think I want some piece of hippie jewelry just because you feel bad about racism? Bite me.”

8. “Drop the coffee.” That’s just awesome. Not only did Jack just attack a dude with a freakin’ log while some high quality John Williamsesque music signals that things are about to get hectic, but he also managed to make us all laugh at the same time. Chuck Norris only made me laugh when he beat up Joe Piscopo in Sidekicks. And it was Piscopo that carried the scene.

9. You’re damn right you know Jack Bauer, Dr. Bashir! So Jack busts right in the front door of the terrorist safe house and draws his gun on Faux Bad, Hassad. Hassad, of course, informs Jack that he knows who Jack is. If anyone wants to know Hassad’s motivation to disarm and have peace with the West, there it is. He has heard the Kaiser Soze-like Ballad of Jack Bauer, which parents tell their children so they don’t grow up to be terrorists or CTU agents, and he knows better than to go on being EVIL. Geek Moment: I spent two days trying to figure out how I recognized Hassad, turns out he’s the same guy that played “Dr. Julian Bashir” on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I was never much of a DS9 fan, but it also explains why Hassad reminded me so damn much of Dr. Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica. It’s because Bashir and Baltar look a ton alike. So there you have it. I’m not nuts. And Assad (or is it Hassad???) will hereby referred to as “Baltar”.

10. Apache helicopters are the motherfrakkin’ shit. It’s true, it’s damn true. They always look beyond cool, so long as Nic Cage isn’t flying one and Sean Young’s nowhere to be seen. That movie sucked. This scene didn’t. High-Def explosions are Comcastic! I can’t wait until my HD box arrives on Thursday.

11. Good Morning Class, I’m Mrs. Tidwell, Welcome to PolSci 304: the First Amendment. Yup, Sandra Palmer is played by Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Junior)’s wife in Jerry McGuire. You know, I hate that movie. But that’s another rant for another time. Apparently, Mrs. Tidwell works for the Islamic-American Alliance. And in the 24 universe, that’s a good as place as any as to start looking for terrorist connections. In the real world, this is an obvious, unfortunate case of racial profiling. Anyway, Mrs. Tidwell’s going to overwhelm us with heavy-handed Constitutional Law lessons. I’m a lawyer, and this is tedious. I can’t imagine what it must be like for those that could care less. (Full Disclosure: I got a C- ..or maybe a D, I’ve blocked it out, in 1st Year Con Law. Oops.)

12. Symbolism Rules. What’s better than watching Jack and Baltar torture a suspect in front of an American flag? Knowing that the next owner of that house is going to find a dead Terrorist in his kitchen. Which begs the question, does Jack have to go back the next day with CTU, retrace his steps, and help them find all of the bodies and property damage that he leaves in his wake? There should be an extra on the DVDs detailing the job of Herb, head of CTU’s Cleanup Crew, and his neverending battle against Bauerd corpses.

13. The Zen Master. Jack has been to the mountaintop in China. He has become the Phil Jackson of Torture. He can see in the perp’s eyes that there’s no more information to be had, as the all-knowing Jack is truly enlightened. Huh? Baltar got him to talk before he murdered him? Just by sticking a knife in the dude’s knee? Dammit. Jack...Jack, buddy? You’ve not lost it have you? What’s that? You “don’t know how to do this anymore.” Help me out, Baltar..”You’ll remember”. Well played, good sir. It’s official, Baltar’s cool as all get-out. Also, Jack blowing that call is this Hour’s Diamond Cutter Moment.

14. Soft or shattered? And is there a difference? Jerry says Jack has gone soft. I say he’s merely been shattered, and will eventually pull himself together. In fact, that’s what this entire Day will be about: Jack finding a reason to live. Debate in the comments.

15. Reason #649 why we need 24: The Movie to come out tomorrow. A Hannibal Lector prequel? Why? Someone help me, I really don’t think that he’s all that compelling of a character. Then again, I didn’t like The Silence of the Lambs all that much, and thus, have not bothered with any of the other Lector films. But seriously, is there anyone out there that really wants to watch Kid Hannibal? I’m curious.

16. Time flies. What? There’s only 19 minutes left? Nat’s right—this is the fastest two hours of my life. I’ve not even drinken that much...why am I staying over again?

17. Rube Baker: American Hero. Behrooz sends Rube back to Omaha, and he doesn’t even live there. For the record: He was totally right about Behrooz. We hardly knew ye, Rube.


18. Woah. Behrooz is Angsty. Behrooz is kind of overtly-over-intense here, isn’t he? Glad to see he hasn’t missed any melodrama classes in-between making such incredible movies as Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj and appearing as “Quiet Douchey Henchman” in Superman Returns. Sigh.

19. Baltar’s Terrorist Gaydar. “Look—Jack, he’s wearing a BOMB VEST!!!” That’s just awesome. Now that my disbelief is safely suspended, I love that Baltar has Terrorist Spider-Sense and can just set ‘em up while Jack knocks ‘em down!

20. Natalie likes Jack’s nipples. I got nuthin’.

21. “No Ticket.” Like Indy, Jack tries the direct approach. “I’m Jack Bauer blah blah blah Federal Agent blah blah terrorist blah blah no sudden moves blah blah I don’t have a ticket blah blah move along.” Seriously, that was so totally Jedi Mind Trick that Jack really needs to get a black glove. What a cool moment of levity moments before it hits the fan.

22. Jack-Fu. So Jack grabs the guy’s tie, jerks the guy’s head into the train pole, and kicks the terrorist out of the back of the train as the bomb goes off. Sweet. Props to whoever wrote/choreographed that sequence. I also like that Jack was a little bit overwhelmed by this random henchman, just another subtle nod that he’s still not at full capacity.

23. Why don’t I have PCS Vision!?! Man! Jack has Sprint PCS vision and can find wherever he’s going, whenever! Why don’t I have that with my Sprint service plan??? What? It’s like, 8 cents for every 2 KB of information you download to your phone? Umm..i’ll stick with my CTU Text Message Ringtone, thanks.

24. It’s inconceivable that the country made it 20 months without Jack. Seriously, kids, you cut a deal with Fayed just today and gave him access to all of your satellites. And you believed that he was trustworthy? Are you kidding me? The country is run by idiots. Thank God we have Jack back to save us.

Stats:

Dammits: 1 (2) –this one by Jack, I think.

Terrorist Casualties: 5 (6) 1 lost a PCL to a log; 2 died at Baltar’s safe house, 1 was killed by Baltar during interrogation, and 1 was blown up real good when Jack kicked him out of the train.

CTU Casualties: 1 (1) Rube Baker: American Hero. If he wasn’t CTU, he should’ve been.

Player of the Game: Baltar. He started Jack on the road to snapping out of it and used his Spider-Sense to find the Evil Midday Bomber What Bombs at Midday. I don’t trust him, but I like him an awful lot.

Final Verdict: Four out of Five Disembowling Towels of DOOM. Overall, this was another madcap hour to bring us the halfway point of the Premiere Even of Awesomosity. More good stuff, and it was absolutely pleasing. I’m mostly glad that they got Jack back into action and out of Fayed’s hands quickly and efficiently, while coming up with the great “Jack team’s up with the Terrorist with a Heart of Gold” angle. Here’s hoping it only gets better from here.

Be good to each other, see you tomorrow

-apk

1.16.2007

24 TADS: (6:00 AM -- 7:00 AM)

Well that was quite the ride, wasn't it? Okay, the notes have been taken, and I've got 96 Things to say About Day Six. There's no way in hell I can do them all at once. So, I'm going to try to break these down by hour and give you one a day until the end of the week. Then, hopefully, I'll finish up the Top Six Awesome Moments of Days One through Five sometime this weekend. With any luck, it'll be next Monday before we know it.

Seriously...that was four phenomenal hours of television.
Now, awayyyyy we go!

24 Things I thought I thought while realizing that Tom Brady is just Too Handsome to Lose Football Games...

1. Viewer Discretion is Advised. In HD, no less! We're live from the Hotel Tomato, my official living space for the next 19 Monday nights. Beside me are the Tomatoes, Jerry and Nat, as I nurse some Miller Lites, munch on Sour Skittles, and take in the glory of Bauer in 54" of HD fantasticness. I will admit, however, that I'm slightly disappointed in the lack of "Due to Graphic Violence" in front of the advisement.

2. The Setup: Series of Bombings, 900+ Americans dead in 11 cities. Jerry and I had a quick discussion about this last night. We agreed that if terrorists really wanted to get to us, they should attack all over the damn place, not just big targets in NYC. In short, bad guys, if you want to get your point across, scare middle-America. Anyway, the intense shots of random-hatred and suspicion of Muslims is sadly accurate and perfectly presented in a way that quickly establishes one simple fact: America is on Edge.

3. Yanosh! Hey, it's Yanosh from Ghostbusters II (and apparently Ally McBeal) playing the role of "Mike Novick meets Slimy Miles from last season". Apparently, his character's name is Tom Lennox. But being this 24TADS, he will be known as "Yanosh" from here on out (and yes, I realize that I'm spelling it phonetically). Say it with me folks, "De Uffer Vest Side?"

4. Great Line #1. "Security has it's price." "So does Freedom, Tom". Burn, Palmer v. 2.0! Brother Wayne seemingly establishes himself as the rightful successor to the David Palmer legacy. Or so I thought...

5. Big Bad #1. Hamin Al-Assad. He has been quickly established as our Big Bad. Of course, this means that he is not the Big Bad. Bank on it.

6. Middle Management Milo. MMM to his friends, Milo from Day One has returned! Fun Fact: Milo is the first person to be turned into a vampire on the Buffy TV Series. These are the things I know that make me a dork. Anywho, I'm glad to see him back, and I'm glad to see Morris, too! I was hoping that Morris would be back this year, and I already love their interaction.

7. "You're a hot-tie". English accents make everything sound better. I love that Morris is the only person that can get to Chloe and make her melt. By the way, Brunette Chloe's just not working for me.

8. Nadia- YOUR Mole Watch Frontrunner. Sprout, who's hopefully a 24 convert, states the obvious: Nadia is hot. (Note to self: Self, get to work on Top 10 hottest 24 girls). She's also apparently Arabic, which means she's the CTU Mole Favorite at this point. There's got to be one, right? I'm not really buying that anyone else would be... thoughts? (Also, if you're wondering, Nadia has played the role of "Audrey Griswald" in Vegas Vacation, and had some guest spots on some show you don't watch.)

9. Jack: Rescued! Okay, not really. He's just...umm...gonna kind of walk off of the plane. Can you spell, "anti-climactic". Is there anyone that wouldn't have loved to see a season that entirely focuses on the op that saves Jack? That would've been freaking awesome. I guess we're going to go in the direction of "dealing with the aftermath of the character changing experience is more interesting than dealing with the character changing experience." I can't necessarily argue, so long as stuff still blows up but good. BTW: What did Palmer v. 2.0 have to get up to get him?

10. HASN'T SAID A WORD IN TWO FRAKKIN' YEARS. 'nuff said.

11. McQueen and Blackjack are Jerks. Seriously, can we give Jack a burger and a massage, maybe? Instead, Bill ("TC McQueen") and Curtis ("BlackJack") are just like, "Hi Jack, sorry the last two years sucked, and sorry that we ...umm..didn't try to save you and all...but...umm..can you get cleaned up really fast and go save the day...by dying?" I'd tell them to go to hell, and when they got pissy, I ask them what they're going to do --put me back on the plane? But that's just me, and I'm kind of a wuss.

12. "Audrey?" First word in 20 months. You damn right I swooned. I am such a girl.

13. HD is Amazing. No, seriously, everything looks moodier and better and cooler and awesome. Also pretty cool, "You don't need your firearm, Curtis." (If only Blackjack would've listened later...)

14. Bill and Karen are married! You know what, I love this play. First off, Karen Hayes is pretty hot for an old chick. Secondly, it was a great little moment last year when Bill asked her out for coffee at the end of the day. I'm glad they followed up. So long as this is the only "I really miss you" cheesy phone call of the day, I'm totally behind this character development, even though it means one of them is destined to die.

15. Bald Bad's Dead Brother. I don't buy for a minute that Jack was ever sloppy to the point that he killed a guy during an interrogation. Maybe if it was when Jack was a rookie, or maybe if he was torturing Chuck Norris. Otherwise, I don't see him screwing up that badly. Ah well, at least it gives Bald Bad some motivation.

16. Great Line # 2. "It's a desperate measure, but it's a measure of our desperation." Honestly, I forgot to write down who said this one, Yanosh of Palmer v. 2.0, but in any event, it was one of those great quips where you turn a cliché inside out and make it work for you. And if it's a cliché in and of itself, I've never heard it used before. Great writing, there.

17. Great Line #3. "I'm sorry Jack..." "Don't be." "Today, I can die for something, my way, my choice...to be honest, it'll be a relief." This exchange between Bill and Jack perfectly established just how shattered Jack is. How he just doesn't want to go on anymore. It also perfectly establishes why Jack later decides to escape and kick ass. More great writing.

18. Hey Pedro, I Made the Rooster! Okay, I stole that from whomever (my money's on Gooder) posted the comment, it was too funny not to. In about 15 seconds, we established roles for Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, The Kid from Sky High (TKSH), and RUBE BAKER from Major League II and Major League: Back to the Minors. Rube Baker making it back into our living rooms as a Muslim-hating construction worker neighbor of doom is one of the great upsets in TV so far this year. As for Kumar, it's nice to see that Behrooz found a new family and is living the sweet life in Southern California's beautiful, San Fernando Valley... (that was in honor of Yanosh).

19. I Heart Morris O'Brien. You know, in a totally hetro way. Clearly, he adores Chloe and will do anything to make things better for her. Thus, he highjacks a private satellite and starts to track Jack. The terrorists will never know...what? Shit. They saw that one, too? WHO GAVE THEM ACCESS TO EVERYTHING?!?!!? Well, there's YOUR Diamond Cutter Moment for Hour One.

20. McQueen Serves the O'Briens. "You may have sacrificed Jack for nothing!" That moment of Bill storming into CTU and chewing out Chloe ("I'd rather not [look you in the eye], sir") was classic TC McQueen, and great stuff from Buchanan. More of this is encouraged. There aren't enough good hardass leaders at CTU, which is why it always sucks.

21. Bald Bad Inadvertent Mistake #1. Oops. Fayed ("Bald Bad"), in grandiose Bond-villain fashion, tells a captured Jack his entire plan, then makes the fatal mistake of informing Jack "I just want to die for something instead of nothing" Bauer that "You will die for nothing." This will not end well for terrorists. And this is a great way to give Jack a reason to escape and kill. Awesome writing. (Also, told you so re: Assad).

22. KUMAR is EVIL!!!! (spoiler). Yup, Kumar has officially become Behrooz. Good twist, there. Can't say I saw it coming. Also, please note that Rube Baker was right, and he should instantly be offered a position with CTU.

23. My Appetite is Insatiable... MAN, I want all 24 of these to run tonight. I'd stay up. Tell me that you wouldn't...

24. And So is Jack's. GREATEST ESCAPE EVER! Even though Nat tried to ruin it for us by explaining that an arm cuff won't measure the EKG, I don't care. In a moment that harkened back to his Lost Boys days (Credit: My Old Boss, Barb) Count Jackula (credit: Jerry) just BIT THROUGH A RANDOM VILLAIN'S NECK, stole the handcuff keys, and escaped into the drainage system. Are you kidding me???? Plus, he memorized the location of Faux Bad, Assad, and is off to save the day! IT. IS. ON.

Jack's Back, Baby!

Stats:

Dammits: 1 (1 for the year) -- Bill Buchanan

Terrorist Casualties: 1 (1 for the year) – Jack Eats a Jugular

CTU Casualties: 0 (0 for the year) – way to go, guys!

Player of the Game: JACK – HE ATE HIS NECK. (Also, he never cracked in China, gave himself a haircut, shower, and shave in 6 minutes, and uncovered the real Big Bad—all in one hour, and he did it as a shattered shell of his former self.)

Final Verdict: Four out of Five Bold George Mason Sacrifices. Overall, way a great, super-fast way to get the ball rolling, get Jack back in action, and introduce our first Big Bad of the season. That felt like six hours of stuff jam-packed into 1, and I can't wait for the commercials to end!

Special Thing: Why I Love Bill Buchanan in 3:19

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Col. Tyrus Cassius McQueen at his finest. A little bit of TC McQueen has already come out in Bill Buchanan during the first four hours. As TC McQueen is one of my Top 10 favorite television characters, this excites me to no end. So go watch the clip and come back, i'll wait...

...

...awesome, huh? (and sorry it's a link, and not a cool embedded YouTube screen, i'm trying to figure out how to do that, but Blogger's not helping).

For the record, he flys out of the ship, tracks down Chiggy Von Richtofen (the alien Red Baron), avenges the death of his friend with badass flying manuevers and a couple of missles, and then returns to base and polishes off the aforementioned bottle of scotch. I love TC McQueen.

-apk

1.15.2007

Next Morning Thing

So, I owe you the Top Six Moments and 48 Things About Day Six...

crap.

It was a busy weekend, and now I'm trying to burn through today so I can go hang out with Jerry before the EARTH SHATTERING TWO HOUR SECOND PART OF THE PREMIERE EVENT OF AWESOMENESS. So you're just going to have to wait.

Anyway, whet your appetite with random bits of fun information like:  Fayed ("Bald Bad") is from the Greater Pittsburgh Metroplex and 24 now has TWO Major League alumni to its credits thanks to "Rube Baker, where are you now?". Awesome.

All-in-all, last night was two of the fastest hours ever, and it was pure badassedness.  I'm quite enjoying the Good Terrorist, Assad (who looks like Baltar from Battlestar Galactica and will be referred to as "Baltar" henceforth) and a completely shattered Jack. In fact, I'm already having 24 dreams, which are really cool dreams to have. Also- you go, Bill Buchanan!

So yeah, good stuff. More later.

-apk