Good night, sweet prince.1. I hate NBC. First they cancel “Studio 60”. Then they subject me to “Deal or No Deal,” where I just wasted 20 minutes of my life watching a woman who “has porch furniture in her living room” greedily pass up a $125,000 payday…only to be rewarded with $405,000. I hate this country. Cap’s probably glad he’s dead. Oh, and then NBC puts “Heroes,” a television show made specifically for my enjoyment, up against 24, and to make matters worse, taunts me with the promise of a Spider-Man 3 sneak preview sometime between 9 and 10 PM. Well screw you, NBC. The tomatoes have DVR. Baha.
2. I wish someone would’ve warned me that this would be my pop culture week of doom. Yesterday, we lost Kara “Starbuck”
3. The Secret Service has no creativity. Citadel? Really? What a weak presidential code name. I think 2.0’s code name should be “New Coke,” "The University of Phoenix", or (of course) “Eli Manning”. I’ll put it up to a vote. That, or feel free to share your own suggestions.
4. If ya smellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllalalalalala…. To sum up Jack’s pre-limo conference with
5. Jack Bauer: Secret Service Agent. It’s official, Aaron Pierce has just been eclipsed as the Greatest Secret Service Agent of All Time. As a sidenote: Natty likes Jack in the suit, but she’s really torn up by the fact that Jack’s not wearing his tight grey shirt anymore.
I don't know if Natty can make it in a nippleless world.
6. Great Line #14. While trying to appeal to Jack’s spiritual side by relating his house arrest to Jack’s Chinese incarceration,
7. DAMMIT! Assad, aka Baltar = DEAD. Honestly, this bothers me more than the loss of Tony. At least he died to save the President. Even in his death, he one-upped Jack. All Jack ever did was survive while saving the President, he’s not cool enough to make the ultimate sacrifice (::crosses fingers, spits three times::)
I also considered using pictures of Baltar and the Macho Man, but those options were too geeky.
8. HA! GOT IT! The identity of the Secretary of Defense, one of those quintessential “I’ve seen that guy somewhere a billion times before guys,” has been escaping me for two days. Or, right up until I started to type this. It was driving me nuts, on the tip of my brain, y’know. Now it hits me—he was the Police Chief in the Sly Stallone Classic (not sarcasm) Demolition Man! Hopefully he can come up with a better plan than (to paraphrase) “We can just wait for another [suitcase nuke] to go [off]. And when [Fayed] performs another Murder Death Kill, we'll know exactly where to pounce!” Full disclosure: I Googled for a quote.
9. Dum-dum-dum-dum-da-dum, dum-da-dum. Anyone else hear the Imperial March as Vice-President Palpatine assumed power and entered the bunker? Anyone? Jerry, Natty, put your hands down, you don’t count—I was whistling it.
10. 10-20 on Yanosh? Well, I’d like a 10-82 with Hotness, I wonder if Morris is still 10-41, I wish Chaz would go 10-169, and this episode needs WAY more 10-32s. Wikipedia is a wonderful thing.
11. Brokeback White House. Chaz to assassin: “We cannot kill Yanosh!” Assassin to Chaz: “Why not?!?” Chaz: “Because I love him.” Okay, maybe it didn’t go that way, but it sure felt like it was going to.
12. PSYCHE!!!! YES! Go Yanosh! Well, folks, that there is YOUR Diamond Cutter Moment. I can’t believe that Yanosh totally punk’d Chaz like that, and had them all (himself included) arrested/detained for the attempt on Palmeresque’s life. Well. Frakkin’. Played. I knew there was a reason I supported that little weasel during the first six hours. Waitasecond…. did the political storyline just get me to cheer? Dammit. We need more guns, pronto!
13. “What do you think I’m going to do, Jack? Request asylum? If it’s any consolation, I don’t think they’d take me”. My former roommate, Kup, said it best, “I did not realize how much I missed having Charles Logan in my life.” True that. What a great, funny-ass line.
14. Okay, interlock the ring fingers, squeeze four times, then gimme paw…I’m pretty sure that
God bless you, Google Images.
15. A proud alumnus of the Ed Rendelphia
16.
17. Everyone needs a gimmick, I suppose. Jack breaks into another Consulate, because having one Communist Superpower pissed at you just isn’t enough. Overachiever.
18. It took five-point-five years, but we’re learning. CTUers have just stopped second-guessing Jack. Finally. Though it makes them pretty irrelevant now. I love that Chloe answered her cell phone and agreed to cut the power to the Russian Consulate before Jack could even finish asking her to.
19. Obviously, she was flying JetBlue. A cheap, easy joke, I know. Again, 24 of these things ain’t easy. Anyway, apparently Karen Hayes has been chillin’ at Ronald Reagan since we last saw her. Upon hearing the news of the assassination attempt, she decides to pull herself up by her bootstraps, belay that whole “resignation, schmesignation,” and head back to the White House! The way she travels, she should be back with the Cabinet by the middle of Day Eight.
Ps: the music here was awesome.
20. The East Coast Groove. Lisa, VP Palpatine’s assistant, is one attractive apkGirl. Very blonde, very pale, very W.A.S.P.-y, very wearing a suit. She reminds me of Elsa from Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade, though I seriously doubt it’s her. That being said….yowza.
21. Interesting Predicament. Though it’s incumbent of me to remind you that when the coolest stuff in an episode is found in the political subplot, it probably means that you’ve got a weak episode on your hands, the stuff between Palpatine and Yanosh was pretty great. In essence, Yanosh’s plan (which he still believes is the only way to stop the attacks) can only be implemented at the expense of his own integrity. He has to cover up the stuff about the assassination attempt and keep Chaz from justice so that he can save lives. This is really clever writing, and a great twist. However, I’d really prefer a few more freakin’ explosions, thanks.
22. Bill? Sup? Nothin. Sup with you? …umm..well. Jack reports back to CTU that he “may have a situation,” being that he broke into the Consulate, took CCCP prisoner, tripped the alarm, and is now stuck. Bill Buchanan, the Greatest Boss on Earth, takes this all completely in stride. The best part of it all, though, is that Jack Bauer Just. Doesn’t. Care. About. Anything. Anymore. He’s getting his answers, or your fingers. He doesn’t care—he just wants to save lives.
On the other hand, he’s so stupid that he tries to escape out of the hallway door, instead of that big window.
23. Snip! Gross.
…err… .awesome. I’m a manly-man!
ewwwwww, they showed the stump.
24. FINALLY off the schnide. Jack Bauer, now 1-4 in interrogations this season. Perhaps he only has interrogation mojo in an Assad-less world? Anyway, CCCP cracked and Jack now knows that Bearded Bad is going to tie suitcase nukes to Predator drones and fly ‘em into their targets. Wheels are up in 2 hours.
In honor of the Penguins, we head to OVERTIME:
Bullet points of DOOM:
- Who wants to bet that Jack’s captured for slightly under 2 hours?
- Holy crap, how easy was it for Jack to flip that Russian guard? That guy was so full of integrity that I instantly started to refer to him as Aaronslov Pierkofsky. Pity he’s already dead.
- Bill Buchanan has just shifted into TC McQueen mode with this sentence, “I need the option to take the Consulate by force”. The man for the job? Ricky Schroeder, who joins the cast next week!
- Remind me to tell you about the 24 telephone number next time. This week’s number? 310-597-3781. I tried to call it, but only got a Spanish message.
- We’ve reached the tipping point! Habeas Corpus has basically been suspended by Palpatine, Jack is the only good guy with knowledge of Bearded Bald’s plan—but Jack’s in Russian custody, CTU’s getting ready to invade sovereign Russian territory (and we all know where shenanigans like that got Thumper and Cobra in Iron Eagle II), and Palmeresque is still unconscious. Things are heating up on the Relatively Nonstop but Kinda Slow at Times Season of 24! ON FOX!
-Player of the Game is Chuckles Logan. Awesome in so many ways.
-Stats have been discontinued. Sorry.
Be good teach other, I’ll catch up with the last two hours, soon. Hopefully.
-apk
