Welcome back to 24 Awesome Things! Let's hit the ground running, because this one's verbose!
18. Doe-Eyes and Audrey: Together at Last
In retrospect, I didn't even realize what was happening. Like I said, my rookie season was Day Four, so I didn't know anything about Michelle "Doe-Eyes" Dessler when she returned to CTU at Hour 13. I recognized instantly that she was hot, but she didn't become the apple of my eye until I watched Day Two on DVD. Now, torn between two women, (but not really, cuz I mean, Audrey's Audrey) I realized that they likely shared some scenes together during Day Four. I'll probably buy the Day Four DVDs now, just so I can bare witness to this harmonic convergence.
17. The "Only Man That Jack Can Trust" Saves the Day...Again
This is another moment that is awesome in retrospect. When Jack ran out of bullets as he and Audrey were running for their lives in an office building during Day Four, the intensity was so high that I forgot that Jack had already placed a phone call to "the only man I can trust". When Tony showed up and wiped the floor with the remaining bad guys, I instantly knew that he was badass. I had no idea just how badass Tony was until I went back and watched Days One and Two. Sure, he's kind of a bitch during Day One, but he looks amazingly cool when he shows up at the Warner Hacienda to do some questioning during Day Two. And yes, he died like a bitch and didn't even get a Silent Clock (spoiler), but I hear that he did some cool stuff during Day Three. In short, Tony's awesome, and this moment, which ironically happened when the character was at his lowest, was probably his best.
PS: I got to see Tony at the All-Star Game this summer. Dude can rake on a softball field. He is awesome. I hope that they use him in the 24 movie.
16. Palmer Requests that Sherri Kindly Go Frak Herself.
Sherri Palmer. Two words that grate on my neurons like none other than perhaps "Teri Bauer". Lord, she sucked. I've never seen her die, but it doesn't make me any less happy that it happened. But I digress. President Palmer freakin' rocks, and at this point, Dennis Haysbert should just change his name and run for the Democrats in '08. He'd have my vote. Sadly, this list will have a noticeable shortage of Awesome Palmer Moments. Mea Culpa, on that one, kids. It's just that I'm normally terribly bored by Palmer's plotlines (like Keith killed a guy! And Sherri's a bitch!). I guess if I want to list great moments in David Palmer's history, I should start a Major League blog (I say, forgetyou Jobu, I do it myself!) or a The Unit blog (umm..i don't know any The Unit quotes. I don't watch it. But I hear it's the balls). Anyway, at the end of Day One, Palmer loses his last nerve, blows his top, and eventually has Sherri escorted away from his life. This was cool. Also cool- when he set up the slutty scriptwriter that Sherri was using to set him up with, and straight up fired her. Palmer rules.
15. Kimmy go BOOM!
This moment makes it because it's so ridiculous and it leads to the incredible storyline that is "Teri has Amnesia!" I know a lot of people criticize Kim, and say that she sucks. I kindly disagree. She's clearly the only thing on this planet that Jack cares about, and her fabulous Day Two <isadventure In Babysitting is fun in it's own melodramatically cheesy way (and at least it has a great payoff). I won't even comment on the scrumdiddilyumptiousness of Elisha Cuthbert. There's nothing I can tell you that you don't already know. (Note to self: Self, get to work on the "Top Ten 24 Hotties" list). As for the notorious Cougar—there's no way that the Cougar is any lamer than Teri has Amnesia! (and she happens to run into her ex-boyfriend!). I mean, when you're stealing plot ideas from The Muppets Take Manhattan, there's really no comparison.
apk, get back on track again. Okay. Teri and Kim's safe house is attacked by Drazen's people, so they jump in a car and haul ass. Teri does a good job of avoiding the shooter (which is probably the only thing she does effectively, other than die, all season) but when she parks the car on a side road, then retardedly walks up the hill to check for the assassin (what could she possibly do up there, other than reveal her location to the killer?) the car slips down the hill and explodes. Because that's what car's do when they roll down hills. When Teri thinks that Kim is dead (and we never learn how she gets out (NO FLASHBACKS!)), she instantly imagines what Jack's going to do to her when he finds out that Kimmy went Boom, her brain turns off, and she faints. She then wakes up with Amnesia! This actually happened on this amazing show. Really.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. In short, in this scene, Teri Bauer believes that her utter incompetence killed her daughter. No one likes Teri Bauer (except Kup, because he likes anything with a pixi haircut). Hence, this scene is awesome.
14. Edgar Hilariously Does Something Awkwardly Stupid: He Dies. Many Weep.
Oddly, I'm having a hard time remembering great moments from Day Five off the top of my head. I mean, it's pretty much almost universally considered to be like, the best season yet. I'm not so sure that it's true, but I know there were more moments that I'm not remembering. Feel free to help out. That being said, I frakking hate Edgar. Never liked him. He's big and dumb. And a pain in the ass. He's a big dumb pain in the ass. From Brooklyn. Living in LA. He's basically a fat version of the sitcom Joey sitting behind a desk at CTU and making eyes at Chloe. Chloe! What a doof. Oh, boo hoo, Edgar...Chloe slept with the good looking non-dork guy. Your life is so hard. Why don't you whine about your dead mom some more? God, I hate Edgar. And I really hate that he got a Silent Clock, but Palmer, Doe-Eyes and Tony did not. Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot. Seriously, though, his death was done really well, and it's easily one of the more tragic moments in 24 history. As I type this, in my mind's eye I can still see Chloe crying as Edgar has his Spock Moment* and the silent count hits. Hell, even Jack looked broken up by it, and he barely knew the bastard. What's the epitome of an awesome moment? Take a guy I hate, kill him, and make me feel it. 24, please collect your Emmy.
13. I Owe Blackjack Everything
There she was, pinned down, hiding behind haystacks, waiting for her doom. She thought her father was dead, and she had been through hell herself. Jack couldn't stay to protect her, again. My Audrey, alone and scared, but defiant. Just hoping to survive. Meanwhile, I've gone from the edge of Jerry's couch to the floor, and have started to creep nervously towards the TV, so that I can reach out and save her from her obvious fate. Audrey's going to die, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
So, I'm being melodramatic. You'll get used to it. I was nervous as hell, though. And I'm pretty sure that I was begging the TV not to kill her off. Then, all of a sudden, like a Guardian Angel of Awesomeness, Blackjack arrived on the scene in dramatic "crept up behind Audrey and scared all of us" fashion, and shuttled her off to safety. Thank you, Blackjack. I am the Luke to your Han, I owe you one. (Note: I only included this moment so I didn't have to get sappy on y'all and write about how awesome it was when Jack and Audrey got back together mid-way through Day Five. During that scene, I was like a fourteen year old girl watching Grey's Anatomy and rooting for Mer ( so lame when people call her that) and McDreamy to just freakin' hook up already!!!! ::giggles:: The lesson: there weren't enough boys in Madison, PA during the 1980s.
And that, my friends, brings us to the end of Part Two. I'll be back tomorrow with the 12 through 7 Most Subjectively Awesome moments. Be sure to come back on Friday when I hit the big ones: 6 through 1. You certainly don't want to miss me talking about things like <insert mega-exciting music here> Nina Myers!; "I'm gonna need a hacksaw;" They're dead- they're ALL DEAD; and Kim Bauer: The Avenging Angel of Zack Morris.
See you tomorrow, same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.
-apk
*("the needs of the many...outweigh...the needs of the few...you have been...and always will be... my friend....live long...and...prosper...*dies*)
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