24 Things About Day Six

Edit: Blogger issues kept the pretty pictures from loading. I added them 'bout noon today. They original Audrey ones were better. Everything else is the same. Don't worry though, you'll get two Audrey pictures a week from me from here on out. (Promise, or threat? who knows)

Wow. It's been a while, huh? What can I say, other than I'm sorry. It's okay, though-- i got drastic tonight, and will likely be posting 24 things about TONIGHT and LAST WEEK. Without further ado, I give you 24 (or more) Things I Think I Thought I Thought About Day Six while bringing to you A COMPLETE AND TOTAL LIVEBLOG! Woot!

8:59 (time is EDT) -- Well, the Pens and Rangers are tied at 0 and headed to the 3d. And the Pens are playing for first place in the division. To be honest, you’re lucky I’m here for you, friends. If I click back and miss something…sorry. I don’t have TiVO. Let’s get it on! I’m LIVE from my bedroom and I’m hoping that this hour’s not as boring as the last. Frankly, the previews look promising as all hell…wait, what’s that Jack, “You should’ve told me about Audrey, Bill”. OH GOD. WHAT HAPPENED TO AUDREY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AND WHY DIDN'T BILL TELL ME!!! WHY THE BETRAYAL??!?!?

I officially can’t think of anything until I find out what’s happened to the love of my life.. Umm. Be prepared for short, pithy answers this week. (at least that means I’ll maybe post it tonight…)

9:02 Are we that far along already? It’s dark? It’s dark and Jack has internal bleeding. And SilverJack has taken this “out of your hands, Jack”. Jerkass. He’ll regret that decision mighty soon. Anyway, Jack—GO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO AUDREY! And, umm, Logan, too. Anyone remember him? Did i miss a week or something? Didn't the last episode end with Logan dying in an ambulance?

9:03 Geek alert—the RQ-2 is out there! It’s a STEALTH DRONE! A SUPER SMART DROID. It’s the love child of R2-D2 and Q from Star Trek. I am a nerd.

9:04 The showdown between Bearded Bad and Bald Bad just underscores how helter skelter Bearded is, and how supremely badass Bald is. The focus on Gredenko the last six weeks has clearly hurt the hell out this season’s momentum. He looks like he’s nuts.

9:05 It’s away! Artoo’s in the air, Hotness is trying to reposition the satellietes, MMM makes his move! Chloe catches MMM macking on Hotness, and now the jig is up! Hotness is a felon, but Chloe’s not going to report them. Chloe: team player. Yawn. More pointless CTU drama. GO FIND THE GODDAMN DRONE.

9::08 The drone is gone! Tech Terrorist is linked with the CTU satellites. He made the drone disappear. It was a really great idea to give Fayed access to the satellite grid back when the Day began, huh? 2.0 sucks as a president.

9:09 Meanwhile, in DC, up is down, left is right, and VP Palpatine is going to nuke Nameless Unaffiliated Mideast Country (NUMC), Yanosh is the flippin’ voice of reason, and Lisa is still hot. Like, hot hot. She’s now “Hot Lisa”. And it’s superdramatic commercial break time. As cool as the “Under Pressure” Gatorade commercial is, I wonder, what are the Pens up to?

9:12 Dammit. 1-0 Rangers., 13 minutes left. I hate you, Marc.

9:13 American Idol sucks this year. Blake Lewis has won me over, though. And we’re back! Being that LA survived the commercial break, it’s not a target. Current potential target candidates include SF (4:1), Phoenix (3:1) and Vegas (1:2). Think about it-- if you're a Muslim extremist, why not hit Vegas? It's filled with sinful tourist Americans from all over the country. With one hit, you effect as many sinful Christians from as many different parts of the country as possible. That's how you spread terror. (Note: I umm..don't support terrorism. And i don't think gambling's a sin. I'm just saying that's where I think Fayed would want to take out).

9:15 Jack’s chillin with Aunt Hottie, she’s going to tell him about Audrey (according to the preview). “I always regretted things didn’t work out between us” And..DENIED! Jack balks—he will not kiss you, Aunt Hottie, not because he killed your husband, his brother, but BECAUSE HE LOVES AUDREY. (damn straight!)

9:16 My heart stops with “you don’t know, do you”

9:17 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Died in China while trying to save Jack.

This concludes our live blog.

...

..

.

9:22 Okay, I just ignored all of that DC “let’s nuke the bastards” stuff, and pulled myself together. For you. For all of you. Thank me later.

::sniff::

oh, yeah, Karen Hayes is back now. She’s still old lady cute. But whatever. Oh- Keifer acted his ass off when he learned about Audrey. Phenomenal.

9:26 Haha! Thank you for levity, writers. Chloe kissed Morris to “check his breath” for Milo, then straight up informed him that she was “just checking your breath” afterwards. Classic moment. Really cute. I miss Audrey.

9:28 Yanosh and Karen exchanged pleasantries four minutes ago. Now they are bitching at each other. Yanosh, “You’d better pray that CTU can find and stop that drone” Good grief, can we please focus on the ATTEMPT TO STOP THE DRONE. Thanks.

9:29. “We have a leak”. Whoever had “Hour 14” in the Mole Pool wins. You can collect at the front door. You can still get in on the ground floor for the Mole’s Identity Pool, candidates include: Hotness, MMM, SilverJack, Morris. SilverJack’s goin’ straight after Hotness, MMM kindly disagrees. Ricky gets the burn of the year with, “Is this assessment based on some private knowledge, or is it because you’re itchin’ to sleep with her.” SilverJack RULES. Chloe spends 7 seconds on the computer and realizes that Hotness is, in fact, the alleged mole. SilverJack goes all Bauer on her, but Bill makes him relent. Hotness pleads her innocence as she’s carted off and MMM watches. Obviously, Milo gave Nadia access to his computer to frame her. Never trust someone with a goatee.

9:34 Claire Daines has some dancin’ legs. Girl is jacked in a hot way. Trust me, Claires with dancer legs are fantastic.

9:37 Karen visits the still-in-a-coma Palmeresque 2: This Time It's More Palmeresque. She wants him to be awoken, but only his siter, Sherri 2.0, can provide clearance to risk his life like that. Clearly, she will, because she’s a hippie and she’ll want to avoid the nuclear retaliation against NUMC.

9:40 Ricky’s interrogating Nadia, BY GRABBING HER THROAT. He’s absolutely. hard. core. But in a farm more prickish way than Jack. Now, MMM’s to the rescue. Oh, yeah, Morris back-traced the signal and the Tech Terrorist is three blocks away. Also, I think Nadia and MMM just broke up, because his silence admitted that he doesn't believe in her innocence.

Needs anger management, hug.

9:41 A taped up Jack reads The Love of My Life's File. There are pictures of a (partially covered) body. I still refuse to believe any of this. She is not dead. No. Frakking. Way.

seriously? no way is she gone. no way.

9:42 Jack’s body is a MESS. Just cuts and gore everywhere. I like how they wrapped him up in bandages so that they didn't have to blow the whole budget on body makeup. Good thing he’s suited up and ready to kick some ass now. He’s headed out with SilverJack and the rest of the team.

9:44 YES! Jack’s reason to live: Vengeance. I’m paraphrasing here, but I’m pretty sure he just told Bill, “Audrey died trying to get me out of prison, because she thought I was worth it. I’m not letting her down. I’m finishing this. And when I’m done, tell the Chinese that I’m comin’…AND HELL’S COMIN’ WITH ME!!!!”

'Nuff said!

9:45 dammit. Pens lose 2-1. We blow a chance to catch Jersey. There’s still time though.

9:50 They made hotness not hot real quick. Oh- I almost forgot, the target’s San Francisco. This is all an elaborate plot to keep Barry Bonds from breaking Hank Aaron’s record. Think about it, he’s the only person universally loathed enough to bring terrorists and Russian nationals together in harmony.

Really... i'm kinda with the terrorists on this one.

9:52 Jack leads the Tact Team in. Umm, SilverJack—just watch your throat. Let’s play the Jack Bauer Vengeance Body Counting Game: ONE! Dead terrorist ahaha. Two! Two-a dead-a-terorists ahaha! Three! Three-ah-dead-aterrorists, ahaha! (Techie was the last to go).

Jack had all three kills. The first two were, in a word: surgical. I think we can officially consider him FINALLY BACK.

9:54 There’s no way to disarm the bomb! The bomb automatically detonates in 30 seconds! Jack can’t turn the drone too quickly! The graphics look like flight simulator 1995! Jack’s the greatest video game pilot in the world! The drone’s needs 500 feet of runway to land and….SHE’S DOWN! She’s crashing! She'’…………………………on fire! She’s………..not blowing up!!!!! We win! Bite me, Gredenko/Fayed! Score one for democracy!

Uram and I discussed this later, and it's clear that Jack Bauer is the Greatest Video Game Player in the History of the World. In fact, it's not well known, but the Fred Savage classic The Wizard was based on his life. Other Jack Bauer video game facts include:

He beat Contra without using the code. Without dying.
He beat Mario 3 without using any warp whistles. In 20 minutes.
He plays MarioKart blindfolded, and has never lost a race.
He is the only person in the history of ever to successfully shoot the Duck Hunt dog.

9:56 Recount: Techie’s still alive. Jack gets to do some interrogating. Uh oh…as the first responders arrive on the crash site, is anyone else waiting for this nuke to go off? Oooh..maybe it's worse. There's radiation leaking everywhere.

9:59 Tension is freakin’ high. I'm still waiting for Artoo to detonate. Crap, we’ve got a “dirty bomb” radiation leak and Palpatine’s looking for any excuse to strike. Civilian deaths and environmental damage will be “untold” even Yanosh no longer agrees with a warning shot. Palpatine’s ordering it anyway. We’re an hour away from a counterstrike.

10:00 "The order isgiven. Launch the missiles as soon as [the subs] are in range."

Now that’s an hour! Great, great stuff there! If Audrey were alive (GUARANTEED THAT SHE IS) and the Pens hadn’t lost, I’d be mega-psyched right now.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed the live blog. I’ll admit, it was kind of fun to type it up while watching. Perhaps I should invest in a laptop….

See yinz next week.

-apk

3.19.2007

24 TADS (7:00 PM -- 8:00 PM)

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