Well that was quite the ride, wasn't it? Okay, the notes have been taken, and I've got 96 Things to say About Day Six. There's no way in hell I can do them all at once. So, I'm going to try to break these down by hour and give you one a day until the end of the week. Then, hopefully, I'll finish up the Top Six Awesome Moments of Days One through Five sometime this weekend. With any luck, it'll be next Monday before we know it.
Seriously...that was four phenomenal hours of television.
Now, awayyyyy we go!
1. Viewer Discretion is Advised. In HD, no less! We're live from the Hotel Tomato, my official living space for the next 19 Monday nights. Beside me are the Tomatoes, Jerry and Nat, as I nurse some Miller Lites, munch on Sour Skittles, and take in the glory of Bauer in 54" of HD fantasticness. I will admit, however, that I'm slightly disappointed in the lack of "Due to Graphic Violence" in front of the advisement.
2. The Setup: Series of Bombings, 900+ Americans dead in 11 cities. Jerry and I had a quick discussion about this last night. We agreed that if terrorists really wanted to get to us, they should attack all over the damn place, not just big targets in NYC. In short, bad guys, if you want to get your point across, scare middle-America. Anyway, the intense shots of random-hatred and suspicion of Muslims is sadly accurate and perfectly presented in a way that quickly establishes one simple fact: America is on Edge.
3. Yanosh! Hey, it's Yanosh from Ghostbusters II (and apparently Ally McBeal) playing the role of "Mike Novick meets Slimy Miles from last season". Apparently, his character's name is Tom Lennox. But being this 24TADS, he will be known as "Yanosh" from here on out (and yes, I realize that I'm spelling it phonetically). Say it with me folks, "De Uffer Vest Side?"
4. Great Line #1. "Security has it's price." "So does Freedom, Tom". Burn, Palmer v. 2.0! Brother Wayne seemingly establishes himself as the rightful successor to the David Palmer legacy. Or so I thought...
5. Big Bad #1. Hamin Al-Assad. He has been quickly established as our Big Bad. Of course, this means that he is not the Big Bad. Bank on it.
6. Middle Management Milo. MMM to his friends, Milo from Day One has returned! Fun Fact: Milo is the first person to be turned into a vampire on the Buffy TV Series. These are the things I know that make me a dork. Anywho, I'm glad to see him back, and I'm glad to see Morris, too! I was hoping that Morris would be back this year, and I already love their interaction.
7. "You're a hot-tie". English accents make everything sound better. I love that Morris is the only person that can get to Chloe and make her melt. By the way, Brunette Chloe's just not working for me.
8. Nadia- YOUR Mole Watch Frontrunner. Sprout, who's hopefully a 24 convert, states the obvious: Nadia is hot. (Note to self: Self, get to work on Top 10 hottest 24 girls). She's also apparently Arabic, which means she's the CTU Mole Favorite at this point. There's got to be one, right? I'm not really buying that anyone else would be... thoughts? (Also, if you're wondering, Nadia has played the role of "Audrey Griswald" in Vegas Vacation, and had some guest spots on some show you don't watch.)
9. Jack: Rescued! Okay, not really. He's just...umm...gonna kind of walk off of the plane. Can you spell, "anti-climactic". Is there anyone that wouldn't have loved to see a season that entirely focuses on the op that saves Jack? That would've been freaking awesome. I guess we're going to go in the direction of "dealing with the aftermath of the character changing experience is more interesting than dealing with the character changing experience." I can't necessarily argue, so long as stuff still blows up but good. BTW: What did Palmer v. 2.0 have to get up to get him?
10. HASN'T SAID A WORD IN TWO FRAKKIN' YEARS. 'nuff said.
11. McQueen and Blackjack are Jerks. Seriously, can we give Jack a burger and a massage, maybe? Instead, Bill ("TC McQueen") and Curtis ("BlackJack") are just like, "Hi Jack, sorry the last two years sucked, and sorry that we ...umm..didn't try to save you and all...but...umm..can you get cleaned up really fast and go save the day...by dying?" I'd tell them to go to hell, and when they got pissy, I ask them what they're going to do --put me back on the plane? But that's just me, and I'm kind of a wuss.
12. "Audrey?" First word in 20 months. You damn right I swooned. I am such a girl.
13. HD is Amazing. No, seriously, everything looks moodier and better and cooler and awesome. Also pretty cool, "You don't need your firearm, Curtis." (If only Blackjack would've listened later...)
14. Bill and Karen are married! You know what, I love this play. First off, Karen Hayes is pretty hot for an old chick. Secondly, it was a great little moment last year when Bill asked her out for coffee at the end of the day. I'm glad they followed up. So long as this is the only "I really miss you" cheesy phone call of the day, I'm totally behind this character development, even though it means one of them is destined to die.
15. Bald Bad's Dead Brother. I don't buy for a minute that Jack was ever sloppy to the point that he killed a guy during an interrogation. Maybe if it was when Jack was a rookie, or maybe if he was torturing Chuck Norris. Otherwise, I don't see him screwing up that badly. Ah well, at least it gives Bald Bad some motivation.
16. Great Line # 2. "It's a desperate measure, but it's a measure of our desperation." Honestly, I forgot to write down who said this one, Yanosh of Palmer v. 2.0, but in any event, it was one of those great quips where you turn a cliché inside out and make it work for you. And if it's a cliché in and of itself, I've never heard it used before. Great writing, there.
17. Great Line #3. "I'm sorry Jack..." "Don't be." "Today, I can die for something, my way, my choice...to be honest, it'll be a relief." This exchange between Bill and Jack perfectly established just how shattered Jack is. How he just doesn't want to go on anymore. It also perfectly establishes why Jack later decides to escape and kick ass. More great writing.
18. Hey Pedro, I Made the Rooster! Okay, I stole that from whomever (my money's on Gooder) posted the comment, it was too funny not to. In about 15 seconds, we established roles for Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, The Kid from Sky High (TKSH), and RUBE BAKER from Major League II and Major League: Back to the Minors. Rube Baker making it back into our living rooms as a Muslim-hating construction worker neighbor of doom is one of the great upsets in TV so far this year. As for Kumar, it's nice to see that Behrooz found a new family and is living the sweet life in Southern California's beautiful, San Fernando Valley... (that was in honor of Yanosh).
19. I Heart Morris O'Brien. You know, in a totally hetro way. Clearly, he adores Chloe and will do anything to make things better for her. Thus, he highjacks a private satellite and starts to track Jack. The terrorists will never know...what? Shit. They saw that one, too? WHO GAVE THEM ACCESS TO EVERYTHING?!?!!? Well, there's YOUR Diamond Cutter Moment for Hour One.
20. McQueen Serves the O'Briens. "You may have sacrificed Jack for nothing!" That moment of Bill storming into CTU and chewing out Chloe ("I'd rather not [look you in the eye], sir") was classic TC McQueen, and great stuff from Buchanan. More of this is encouraged. There aren't enough good hardass leaders at CTU, which is why it always sucks.
21. Bald Bad Inadvertent Mistake #1. Oops. Fayed ("Bald Bad"), in grandiose Bond-villain fashion, tells a captured Jack his entire plan, then makes the fatal mistake of informing Jack "I just want to die for something instead of nothing" Bauer that "You will die for nothing." This will not end well for terrorists. And this is a great way to give Jack a reason to escape and kill. Awesome writing. (Also, told you so re: Assad).
22. KUMAR is EVIL!!!! (spoiler). Yup, Kumar has officially become Behrooz. Good twist, there. Can't say I saw it coming. Also, please note that Rube Baker was right, and he should instantly be offered a position with CTU.
23. My Appetite is Insatiable... MAN, I want all 24 of these to run tonight. I'd stay up. Tell me that you wouldn't...
24. And So is Jack's. GREATEST ESCAPE EVER! Even though Nat tried to ruin it for us by explaining that an arm cuff won't measure the EKG, I don't care. In a moment that harkened back to his Lost Boys days (Credit: My Old Boss, Barb) Count Jackula (credit: Jerry) just BIT THROUGH A RANDOM VILLAIN'S NECK, stole the handcuff keys, and escaped into the drainage system. Are you kidding me???? Plus, he memorized the location of Faux Bad, Assad, and is off to save the day! IT. IS. ON.
Jack's Back, Baby!
Stats:
Dammits: 1 (1 for the year) -- Bill Buchanan
Terrorist Casualties: 1 (1 for the year) – Jack Eats a Jugular
CTU Casualties: 0 (0 for the year) – way to go, guys!
Player of the Game: JACK – HE ATE HIS NECK. (Also, he never cracked in China, gave himself a haircut, shower, and shave in 6 minutes, and uncovered the real Big Bad—all in one hour, and he did it as a shattered shell of his former self.)
Final Verdict: Four out of Five Bold George Mason Sacrifices. Overall, way a great, super-fast way to get the ball rolling, get Jack back in action, and introduce our first Big Bad of the season. That felt like six hours of stuff jam-packed into 1, and I can't wait for the commercials to end!
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